


hostage

by mexican_torpedo



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel Loves Dean, Comfort, Dean Hates Himself, Declarations Of Love, M/M, Sleepy Cuddles, cuddling at the end, dean also loves castiel, kind of denial, short and to the point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 12:20:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16305104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mexican_torpedo/pseuds/mexican_torpedo
Summary: Dean is struggling to admit he has feelings for Cas and it comes crashing down on them after a nightmare.





	hostage

**Author's Note:**

> the title is from billie eilish’s amazing song ‘hostage’ which inspired his fic. seriously, her music is amazing, go listen to this song to get a better idea on how i felt while writing this. like two of the song lines are in this at the end btw.
> 
> also i wrote this at 2 am so plz don’t sue me if it doesn’t really make any sense, i just had the urge to write. not beta’d so any mistakes are mine.
> 
> i hope y’all like this, tell me what you think! <3

Every day Dean hates himself a little more than the last. His mind is full of self arguments and conflict, mostly surrounding his feelings, particularly about Castiel. Dean has been internally battling his advancements towards the angel. One moment he will look at Castiel, admire him and yearn for him, but the next he will remind himself that he will only hurt Castiel and cause him trouble. That Castiel needs someone who isn’t afraid to want him, to tell him he loves him every night when they fall asleep together in their shared room. Then Dean will ask himself:  _ Do I love Cas?  _ And the answer is always yes, but Dean tries to deny it. He can’t live with himself for loving the angel and not admitting it. It tears his mind and heart apart because he can’t get past his self loathing. Dean thinks he’s a bit egotistical for that, thus fueling even more hatred. The worst part is that Dean is certain Castiel feels the same way, he’s just waiting on the hunter, sensing his insecurity but not wanting to upset him. That’s why when Dean wakes up in the middle of the night with a pained shout caused from night terrors, Castiel comes barreling into his room. 

 

“Dean, are you okay?!” Castiel is panting slightly, eyes alert and scanning the small room. 

 

Dean won’t respond, just has his head hanging down into his hands, silent tears falling from his face. 

 

“Dean…” The angel softly addresses him and the hunter gives out a pained sob. He manages to mumble something that Castiel doesn’t hear. 

 

“I’m sorry I can’t hear you,” Castiel says, slowly walking towards the bed. 

 

“Leave!” he says rather loudly, “Get away from me!”

 

“Why would I do that? It’s just me,” Castiel explains, ever persistent.

 

“Get out,” his head snaps up, eyes meeting Castiel’s, but his voice lowers, ”Don’t talk to me, don’t waste your time on me, I’m not worth it I’m only toxic for you why would you stick around?” 

The look on Dean’s face breaks Castiel’s heart.

 

“You could never hurt me Dean. I will just heal us-“

 

Dean interrupts Castiel, “You know I don’t mean that.”

 

A silence follows as they look into each other’s eyes- souls.

 

“I love you Cas,” more tears erupt from the hunters eyes, “And every one I love ends up dead. Mom, dad, Bobby; next are you and Sam. That’s why you need to leave, get as far away from me as possible, because I will kill you.” 

 

Dean can’t bare the look of sorrow he brings upon Castiel. He pulls his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around them. 

 

“I’m not leaving,” Castiel days earnestly, making his way to Dean’s side. He puts his hand on Dean’s arms and he flinches. It just makes Castiel’s grip stronger.

 

“I will never leave you; not now, not ever,” he pulls the hunter’s arms away and Dean looks back up at him glossy eyed. “I will follow you wherever you go. I will stay by your side and fight with you until my last breath.”

 

Dean’s eyes widen in shock, mouth slightly ajar, because this isn’t what he expected. He thought the angel would have just walked out and never come back. It’s what he hoped for too. 

 

Castiel cups the side of Dean’s face farthest from him and moves his head so that he is facing him entirely. 

 

“Do you understand?” Dean stares at him for a moment processing, but slowly nods his head. 

 

“Why, though?” the hunter surprises himself by asking, “Why would you choose to stay with me?”

 

Castiel lowers down to Dean’s level and kneels on the floor. 

 

“Because I fell for you, metaphorically and literally.”

 

He snakes a finger under Dean’s chin and leans towards him. Dean knows what’s coming but he doesn’t have it in him to fight himself anymore.

 

Castiel’s lips touch him in the most delicate way he ever imagined. Dean can’t help but open his mouth to let Castiel in. Their tongues dance passionately and Dean’s arms wrap around Castiel’s neck to pull him impossibly closer. 

 

They finally pull apart, panting and gazing into each other’s eyes.

 

“I want this only with you,” Dean speaks softly, “I want to share my secrets with you, tell you my problems, be happy with you, be sad with you, and be alone with you… does that make sense?” He’s a bit breathless and scared for his response.

 

“Yes it does,” and with another kiss, Dean pulls the angel on top of him, simply trading kisses until they slowly turn into pecks.

 

“Let me hold you,” the hunter pleads. Castiel complies and nods yes.

 

He settles on top of Dean’s chest, head buried in his neck, hand resting on top of his heart, legs tangled between one another. 

 

“I love you too, Dean.” 

  
  
  
  



End file.
